Are You Caught In A Mini-Marriage?

The mini-marriage results from acting committed and being exclusive before you are ready for a committed relationship, or doing so with someone whom you don’t consider a likely long-term partner choice. This is the one night stand that never left!

A mini-marriage puts you on a collision course towards unhappiness. Instead of leading to the long-term joy you are hoping for, mini-marriages actually interfere with your ability to build the life you really want. They are a distraction that impedes your personal growth until you are ready for the relationship you really want and attract the partner you really want.

If you don’t learn how to make different choices, you can invest months – or, sadly, years “working on” a relationship that cannot be fulfilling or even permanent. Because let’s face it; once you’re in a mini-marriage, it can be difficult and quite painful to get out.

When the not-so-committed party or parties ultimately find the courage to come clean, it causes heartache, angst and often anger for all the time wasted. Often affairs are a reason to leave a mini-marriage. Worse are those who stayed with Mr. or Ms. “Right Now” as a placeholder, knowing full well their dating partner is not “the one” while they secretly hoped their “soul mate” would appear.

Entering a mini-marriage is the equivalent of accepting a new job offer despite the red flags that came up during the interview; crossing your fingers and hoping it will magically work out. After all, you need a job and this is the one that showed up today. Let me ask you, have you ever known this approach to result in a happy situation?

We all know someone who’s gotten involved too soon or continually struggled in a relationship, right? Perhaps we’ve found ourselves in this situation and wondered how it happened.
So how do we get stuck in a “go-nowhere” relationship in the first place? What makes otherwise intelligent, responsible adults sleepwalk into these situations?

Mini-marriages are typically driven by unconsciousness needs and fears:

• Need for companionship
• Fear of being alone
• Belief it is impossible to have what you really want
• Lack of awareness about your readiness for commitment
• Don’t know how to get your social and relationship needs met effectively

To successfully avoid the “mini-marriage” style of dating and mating you must decide whether or not are you truly ready for a committed relationship. While it is reasonable to desire the benefits of a committed relationship (security, companionship, sex), it is important to be ready for a commitment in all areas of your life, and to be in a position of “choice” rather than “need” in order to have a successful life partnership.

If you are not ready for a committed relationship due to timing (e.g. recovering from divorce), health (physical/mental/emotional), finances, lifestyle, or other considerations, it is best to date a variety of people on a non-exclusive basis and have fun, learning more about yourself and relationships in the process. Become a “successful single” is the best way to prepare for the life and relationship you really want.

The Mindful Dater 10-week program is designed specifically to help you identify your own unique relationship criteria, empowering you to make the choices that lead to long-term relationship success and happy unions.

LaDonna S. Kumar
Licensed Relationship Counselor

For more information about my program visit http://www.themindfuldater.com/mindful-dating-program/